Do you trust me?…Really?

I was recently involved in a conversation concerning the dynamics of a healthy and prosperous relationship.  We discussed the pillars of a fruitful co-existence and the usual subjects were tossed about…respect, honesty, intimacy, finances and that ever present trust.  Trust seems to be a word that is thrown in for good measure….it just sounds good with the “for better or worse” ideology.  But do we really know and understand what it means to trust someone?  Do we know what it feels like to be trusted?
 
I was listening to the Doug Banks’ Show recently and trust was the topic question of the day.  A lady called in and commented that trust is something that is earned which is pretty much the generic response.  She went on to highlight all the extra shenanigans she participates in when it comes to her husband…you know the ol’ checkin dudes pockets, going through his phone, yada, yada. But I was floored when she said that she had been married for 27 years.  So you mean to tell me in 27 years this dude has not earned on ounce of trust?  I mean she still treating him like they just met and not a husband of over two decades.  The fact of the matter is we don’t have a clue of what real trust demands of us.  We participate in watching for signs then actually trusting our mates.  Hell, in this age of e-mail, WiFi, cell phones that damn near whip your ass if you program it right we have become spies and not partners….clusters of lost misfits who seem relegated to turning our relationships into a bunch of scenes from “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”.
 
If your woman is stepping out on you let’s be real….you already know why.  Ain’t no need to be following her around or checking her phone records…instead you need to be getting your sh*t in order.  I gave up earning trust in a relationship long ago; all I want is the benefit of the doubt which is just the precursor of trust.  It’s like she really don’t trust me but I haven’t shown my ass vividly enough to be convicted.  I’m cool with that.  I would rather be honest with myself than to tear my hair out trying to “earn” the impossible.  Trust is personal baggage that we drag from relationship to relationship.  All it takes is that one neck bone eater to do us dirty and it’s a wrap.  From that point on the only thing we’re doing is watching for signs (she’s working late a lot, she’s going out more than before, she’s whispering on the phone, etc…) so that we can get that “Aha! I caught your ass” moment.  Then what? 
 
What we don’t realize is that, in an effort to protect our hearts, we subconsciously convict our mates with crimes yet to be committed and treat them as such.  I know many folks who come home from a long day at the gig our a night out and get that third degree (where you been?, who was there?, why you ain’t call me?).  They trying to examine your clothes to check for levels of disheveledness.  They get treated as if they were fresh from the “4 Hour Nap Rate” motel. What good is that?  If a person figures out that this is going to be the treatment all the time then the next time they might as well go ahead and get some ass….the interrogation will be the same.
 
Trust is just a catch phrase that is desired but not understood.  I’ve done dirt in some relationships and have been an angel in others and guess what….the trust level in both have been the same…non-existence.  It is not always the actions of our lovers, boyfriends or wives that dictate our wavering level of trust but it is our past failures and our own insecurities.  Instead of sweating her about her whereabouts send her some flowers.  Do something to add to the levels of love in the relationship not rob it with your actions of self-loathing disguised as concern and bullsh*t.