Vanessa Del Rio you ain’t….
It was Monday morning and I had just arrived at the gig for another long day on the “plantation”. I plugged my laptop in and checked some emails from the night before. It was approaching 9:30 AM which is usually the time I make my daily trek to Dunkin’ Donuts for a medium coffee, cream and extra sugar. I dropped my loot on the counter, retrieved my concoction and turned to go when I ran into a cat I had worked with several years ago coming in the store. He was one of my running buddies from back in the day when I worked for Citigroup back in’95. He was one of 3 brothers who worked in the Accounting group with me….we were the only colored men that didn’t work in the mail room. He was accompanied by a female co-worker and they seemed to be in the middle of a deep convo. Introductions were made and we indulged in a little small talk. His co-worker seemed pretty eager to include me in on whatever conversation they were having previously. Normally I don’t get involved in serious convo with folk I just met. I have a no-nonsense approach that sometimes comes off as abrasive….folk that know and love me understand…folk that don’t…well…I could care less.
Apparently she was in the middle of some relationship drama and was thirsty for some guidance. She had been conversing with her girlfriends (first mistake) who helped her with a plan of action that failed horribly. Here is the gist: She’s been married for about 7 years and was currently enduring a separation from her husband that has lasted well over 2 years. She had a hunch that her husband was cheating on her, and with guidance from her girl homeys, decided to extract dude from their place of residence to teach him a lesson (second mistake). Now I don’t know if dude was really stepping out and neither does she. You see, having a hunch don’t amount to shit unless it leads to a discovery of evidence. Dude working some late nights ain’t enough to conjure up a guilty verdict. She admitted to some sexual neglect on her part in the marriage which I determine led to her inventing shit in her mind about how her husband was dealing with the “lack of draws”. It is true that most men and women in this situation choose to cure “lack of drawsitis” with “extra drawsitits” but I can’t call it in this situation.
During the separation both parties had been on dates and were seeing different people. According to her, the plan was to take a breather for a while and then start the rehabilitation; I knew then that her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top. That type of shit never works…. The problem was she never filled her husband in on the plan….she just continued throwing “fuck u’s” back and forth and shiting on his advances for reconciliation. Apparently, the straw that broke the camel’s back came in the form of a mutual friend that told her of a “star quality” female that her husband had begun to take a liking to. She took this back to her whack-ass, all female tribal council and they proceeded to put a plan in motion to throw some salt in the game. The group came up with a plan of seduction to reel the husband in. She got a room, drank, rose petals, smell goods, lingerie and some chocolate covered strawberries and invited the husband to a night of debauchery. Guess what….dude was no show. Of course dude was all types of bastards and mofo’s but she had totally missed the boat on this one.
The problem was she simply used the wrong bait. I’m sure in the seven years they had been together the husband figured out that sex was at the very bottom of her list of priorities which she already admitted to. It was already confirmed that she was not passionate and could care less about sex and/or intimacy in any way, shape or form so when she made that phone call inviting dude to the freakazoid session he probably thought she was straight full of shit. He was supposed to believe that she had all of a sudden made the transformation from a sexual dud to fucking Vanessa Del Rio!!!?!? Broad pleeezzee… He had spent 7 years sweating you for a sexual morsel and now you’re ready to give it away freely?!?!?! Naw Boo…he wasn’t falling for that knucklehead move and she should’ve known better. What would I look like trying to entice a lady with a gourmet meal and I can’t even fucking boil water?!?!?! You need to work on the shit your good at and start from there. To use the very issue that probably lead dude out the door in the first place is not only disrespectful but also patronizing. Now he’s questioning your purpose and if he wanted to reconcile he’s definitely not feeling it now. Bullshit and trickery only leads to a string of ladies nights with your other lonely, manless friends. Good luck with that… As you can guess the broad looked at me like I had just spit on her grandmother…oh well…I guess we won’t be having lunch anytime soon…LOL.
So now that we are finish with the blame game and what not, now what?
HA HA HA HA HA HA. . . I’m trying to comment, but that shit is funny!!! I totally agree with you – and how she gone get an attitude with the advice she ASKED for. . . you shoulda known when she was telling you her story that she was fucked up in the head. . . LOL!!!
Absolutely hilarious (and true). You can’t take football advice from someone who ain’t never ran a route!
tmichelle – The “blame game” as you put is unfortunately a necessary evil. You can’t move forward until you identify the broken spoke. When someone messes up the “TPS Reports” (check out the movie “Office Space”) at the gig you know damn well the upper management will be on a witch hunt to find out how f’ed up…this is also true in relationships. The lady was all in a tizzy and had her shovel ready to dump shit on her husband with absolutely no intentions to examine herself. Everybody wants to be the angel but nobody wants to take the “L”. What should happen now is a decision needs to be made whether to move forward or bow out.
alisha – Yeah, she is a real nut job. Jesus take the wheel!
Helen – What up Fisk fam! LOL….You are silly!
Just like that huh? And so the divorce rate continues to soar…next!
tmichelle – If folk ain’t will to examine themselves or shore up their end of the relationship then they ain’t got no business getting married in the first place…next indeed!