There was a time no to long ago when a relationship consisted of two people but one voice. The women were the vocal component unafraid and willing to air her issues or disenchantments while the men simply nodded in agreement. Hell bent on keeping the peace he stifled his concerns for the good of the relationship. I too was a victim of this behavior in a previous relationship that simply floated by for 7 years. I was the chauffer, the butler, the companion for those special outings i.e. corporate Christmas parties or weddings. When she finally realized that I was a pertinent part of the relationship and tried to change her ways it was too late and I was too through. I always regretted not letting my voice be heard but today you can’t shut me up (cuz shut don’t go up…ha!ha! Y’all remember that from the playgrounds back in the day). My song is just as beautiful and boisterous and important as my wife’s. Sometimes we sing in perfect melody and sometimes we sound like two cats choking on a beach towel. What I have learned is that women are just not comfortable with sharing the “woe-is-me” spotlight with there mate. This is something completely foreign to them and a strong, compassionate woman can adjust and share the limelight while the “birds” will call his actions “woman-like” and refuse to adjust ultimately finding herself by herself.
This is simply a matter of a generation of “fatherless men” coming of age refusing to have our fates decided for us and taking responsibilities for our family, and our existence. And I believe real woman appreciate this strength… hell, they have been asking for men to start being men since like….forever. For years the decay of the African-American family and/or relationships have been placed squarely on the shoulders black men. What this has done is created a generalized blanket of guilt covering all black men while removing women from any societal stains as if they just woke up one morning man less and with the responsibility of taking care of the chirrun. It actually dumifies a woman’s role in society falsely stating that women do not have the wherewithal, compassion or strength to think for themselves. Pointing the finger at someone else for your situation only makes you seem incompetent and incapable and we all know that simply does not hold true for women of color but this is definitely the view of “us” from people outside of our culture.
Over the years I have engaged many women of all walks of life in conversations regarding there relationship agendas. Women will always point out painfully the shortcomings of the men in there lives and will sum up there role in the relationship with this line “I have been supportive, I have done everything to make this thang work, I have been behind him 100%”. What she really is saying is “I am pure as the driven snow for thou art has no flaws”. WTF? My follow-up question is always, “who told you that?” Who told you that you were doing everything to make the relationship work? Who told you that you were being supportive of your man? If your MAN didn’t tell you that then does it really count?
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