There goes the neighborhood…

“Mixed – Income” housing has taken root in major cities all across the country. It’s just gentrification with a smile but is deeply flawed. The general idea is that by placing Ray Ray an ‘em next door to the Huxtables it would inspire them to want to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and become participating citizens in the circus of humanity. Mayor Daley has and still is leveling the projects in Chicago (one of the largest in the nation); displacing the former inhabitants and sprinkling them throughout the city into areas where they ain’t got no business being. For them, it’s basically like winning the lottery…instead of concrete walls, pissy stairwells, roaches, and dirt now they have inherited hardwood floors and manicured lawns through the magic of section 8. The problem is they have obtained the same things that took most people many years, degrees, late nights working, sacrifice and struggle without having to do shit but manage to stay poe.

So Ray Ray n’em ain’t doing shit but laughing at Cliff Huxtable when he leaves his house at 7:30 AM to drop his children off at school and try to make that 8:10 AM Metra train to make it to WORK. All the while these dusty n**gas is plottin’ on breaking into your crib that your paying a $1,800.00 monthly mortgage on, braiding each others hair on the front stoop, barbequing on the front lawn and inviting some more dusty ass n**gas from the old stomping ground to see how they came up. Now I’m all for the upliftment of folk trying to better themselves but my problem is with the method. Just allowing folk to make a living by suckling on the governments teet without no course or plan of action is irresponsible and the working class folk are the ones that have to suffer… just ask anyone living in the once affluent South Suburbs of Chicago.

Instead of checkin’ the folk who have made a living stretching out their vaginal areas with babies or despicable boys’ skeeting on everything that moves and leaving US to take care of their responsibility we reward them. If I could bone, watch TV all day, sell nickel bags on the block and still get a voucher to move to Evergreen Park, money to by those tri-colored Nike Air Force Ones I’ve been eyeing and use the purple card to by enough food to feed and Army….man, I wouldn’t do shit either.

Vanessa Del Rio you ain’t….

It was Monday morning and I had just arrived at the gig for another long day on the “plantation”. I plugged my laptop in and checked some emails from the night before. It was approaching 9:30 AM which is usually the time I make my daily trek to Dunkin’ Donuts for a medium coffee, cream and extra sugar. I dropped my loot on the counter, retrieved my concoction and turned to go when I ran into a cat I had worked with several years ago coming in the store. He was one of my running buddies from back in the day when I worked for Citigroup back in’95. He was one of 3 brothers who worked in the Accounting group with me….we were the only colored men that didn’t work in the mail room. He was accompanied by a female co-worker and they seemed to be in the middle of a deep convo. Introductions were made and we indulged in a little small talk. His co-worker seemed pretty eager to include me in on whatever conversation they were having previously. Normally I don’t get involved in serious convo with folk I just met. I have a no-nonsense approach that sometimes comes off as abrasive….folk that know and love me understand…folk that don’t…well…I could care less.

Apparently she was in the middle of some relationship drama and was thirsty for some guidance. She had been conversing with her girlfriends (first mistake) who helped her with a plan of action that failed horribly. Here is the gist: She’s been married for about 7 years and was currently enduring a separation from her husband that has lasted well over 2 years. She had a hunch that her husband was cheating on her, and with guidance from her girl homeys, decided to extract dude from their place of residence to teach him a lesson (second mistake). Now I don’t know if dude was really stepping out and neither does she. You see, having a hunch don’t amount to shit unless it leads to a discovery of evidence. Dude working some late nights ain’t enough to conjure up a guilty verdict. She admitted to some sexual neglect on her part in the marriage which I determine led to her inventing shit in her mind about how her husband was dealing with the “lack of draws”. It is true that most men and women in this situation choose to cure “lack of drawsitis” with “extra drawsitits” but I can’t call it in this situation.

During the separation both parties had been on dates and were seeing different people. According to her, the plan was to take a breather for a while and then start the rehabilitation; I knew then that her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top. That type of shit never works…. The problem was she never filled her husband in on the plan….she just continued throwing “fuck u’s” back and forth and shiting on his advances for reconciliation. Apparently, the straw that broke the camel’s back came in the form of a mutual friend that told her of a “star quality” female that her husband had begun to take a liking to. She took this back to her whack-ass, all female tribal council and they proceeded to put a plan in motion to throw some salt in the game. The group came up with a plan of seduction to reel the husband in. She got a room, drank, rose petals, smell goods, lingerie and some chocolate covered strawberries and invited the husband to a night of debauchery. Guess what….dude was no show. Of course dude was all types of bastards and mofo’s but she had totally missed the boat on this one.

The problem was she simply used the wrong bait. I’m sure in the seven years they had been together the husband figured out that sex was at the very bottom of her list of priorities which she already admitted to. It was already confirmed that she was not passionate and could care less about sex and/or intimacy in any way, shape or form so when she made that phone call inviting dude to the freakazoid session he probably thought she was straight full of shit. He was supposed to believe that she had all of a sudden made the transformation from a sexual dud to fucking Vanessa Del Rio!!!?!? Broad pleeezzee… He had spent 7 years sweating you for a sexual morsel and now you’re ready to give it away freely?!?!?! Naw Boo…he wasn’t falling for that knucklehead move and she should’ve known better. What would I look like trying to entice a lady with a gourmet meal and I can’t even fucking boil water?!?!?! You need to work on the shit your good at and start from there. To use the very issue that probably lead dude out the door in the first place is not only disrespectful but also patronizing. Now he’s questioning your purpose and if he wanted to reconcile he’s definitely not feeling it now. Bullshit and trickery only leads to a string of ladies nights with your other lonely, manless friends. Good luck with that… As you can guess the broad looked at me like I had just spit on her grandmother…oh well…I guess we won’t be having lunch anytime soon…LOL.

My Prayer…

For the ones baptized when the levees broke…

Lord we ask you for your unending comfort.

For the ones thrust into the battlefields on foreign soil…

Lord we ask you to keep them and give them everlasting courage.

For the ones thrust into the battlefields of or cities and urban jungles….

Lord we ask you to give them unchanging perseverance.

For the misguided…

Lord fill them with your mercy so that they may follow a path of righteousness

For the voiceless…

Lord we ask you to lift them up and let their voices soar.

For our broken families…

Lord reminds us of our past struggles so that we may understand the fullness of love

For our young brothers choosing jail cells over college lecture halls…

Lord give the wisdom and infinite sight so that they can see that a real man is one who accepts responsibility and helps push us forward not impede progress.

For our young sistas who chose to find their worth in materialism and disrespect…

Lord give them the vision and understanding of true womanhood.

Lord you have guided us through tragedies and chaos, bleakness and discontent. We ask that you continue to bless us, comfort us, love us and fill us with your mercy and grace as we continue our journey to peace and prosperity.

Amen.

IPOD Hustle…

Kissy Asplund

Lalah Hathaway

Eric Lau

Al Green

From the email bag…

Dear MadP – A girlfriend of mine sent me the link to your sight and as a result I’ve been an avid reader. I haven’t commented much but I have a situation that you may be equipped to help me with. I’ve been in a relationship for the past three years and I am ready to take it to the next level. The problem is my boyfriend is dragging his feet so I gave him an ultimatum. Do you think this was the right thing to do? My girlfriends say I did they right thing, what do you think.?

“I chose you baby and I’ll tell you why…” This is a verse from that amazing soul classic created by the late Willie Hutch back in 1973. Mr. Hutch also gave us “Brothers Gonna Work It Out” which is still a Chicago Deep House classic. This melodic ode to a man captivated by that certain women set to music embodies the angst and joy, the struggle and victory of the supreme love affair. Never mind the song was the critical aural soliloquy from The Mack, never mind the song really was about a pimp wooing a young lady into being apart of his “hoe stable”….love is love dammit! To be chosen is to be selected by an individual free of any and all emotional and mental bribery, assumptions and ultimatums. This is the main and most important ingredient for a successful union…but unfortunately it is the most under appreciated.

In my opinion I really don’t think most women know and truly understand what it really means to be chosen by a man and the few that do ain’t sharing the knowledge. Here some clues… (1) If you’ve beat the dude over the head with that “when I’mma get my ring” drama for the last year a so and he comes through on your birthday with the hardware…you didn’t get chose (2) If you come up pregnant and y’all got to make a mad dash to the altar before you start showing…you didn’t get chose. (3) If you gave dude until St. Patrick’s Day of 2007 to sh*t or get off the pot and as a result you get a little box on the exact day…guess what…you didn’t get chose. In these scenarios dude didn’t choose you he just simply accepted his situation. This is not always a bad thing…some cats may need a little push to make the decision but it’s what happens after that which will decide if the union will be successful or not.

Anything short of “dude was inspired by you enough to feel that he can build a life with you and made that decision based on his own free will and love for you” means y’all got some real work to do. Anything other than this scenario means y’all coming into the game with glaring defects that must be addressed. The hindrance to this is that most women have the “knight in shining armor” complex which puts a choke hold on reality. I mean…when women who get to the altar based on ultimatums or because they are expecting or any other arbitrary scenario are confronted by there gal pals on the how’s and why’s they never say “well, I told dude he had until such and such date and viola!”….nah, they ain’t never that truthful…instead they’ll keep it real short and leave out all the actual and grimy truth. But you know, sometimes unions such as this are more successful than the traditional ones. Struggle brings folk together and unbreakable bonds are formed as a result whereas couples who seem to slide into matrimony so effortlessly are usually the ones that take it for granted and don’t fight as hard to make the union successful.

The reality is it doesn’t really matter how you got to the altar…if you had to beat dude over the head, issue an ultimatum or bear chirrun…what matters is the struggle after and whether or not you can grapple and except the fact that you may never know if he would have chosen you on his own free will without all the extenuating circumstances or not. Whether your journey was traditional or not you will be faced with the same challenges, obstacles, jealousy, envy, struggle, joy, victory, set backs, tears and smiles that every one else goes through to survive the battle of love and honor.

Serve & Protect…

I remember in my small days bouncing through the city of wind in my ’85 Chevy Monte Carlo. It was grey with duals and I had the chrome shoes on it. I was just a youngster at the precipice of life with my future ahead of me. I recall one Saturday morning…I was leaving my grandmother’s house and was heading west on 76^th Street when all of a sudden squad cars and flashing lights had cornered a brotha like I was Lonzo from Training Day. They snatched me out the whip, throw me on the ground and proceeded to cause havoc on my vehicle. They took everything out of the glove compartment, snatched out my whole f*ckin back seat and poured out my fresh bottle of Champale. They never spoke a word until they received a call from dispatch…then they picked me up and dusted my off like I was one of their drinking buddies. They apologized and said some bullsh*t about my car matched the description of another vehicle that was involved in a drive by. WTF??? My back seat was never the same…I‘d be at the lakefront with a young lady watching the sunset trying my damndest to take it to the next level when all of a sudden the f*cking seat would slide off. The next day I’m enjoying another scenic drive with the fam. We rolled past a couple of officers on 71^st & California when my cuzzo in the back decides to stick his tongue out at them. Three seconds later we’re surrounded by half the force with pistols drawn. They confiscated by bottle of Cordon Negro but made us pour out the case of Miller High Life.

Black men in America learn early in life not to f*ck around with the police…it’s a code or unwritten etiquette that cats learn soon enough. If the car is too shiny…they pullin’ your ass over…if the broad your rolling with is apparently too fine for you…they pullin’ you ass over…if your driving through the “upper class” part of the city and ain’t got no business…they pullin’ your ass over…hell, if it’s a nice sunny day…guess what…they pullin that ass over. There’s a fine line between unrelenting disrespect and protect and serve…black men just had to get in where they fit in. Cases like Sean Bell, Rodney King, or the dude that caught that beat down in Philly don’t surprise me…they only exist to further prove that police officers fear black men. It’s perception not racism that fuels the fear but sometimes we perpetuate it by riding around with no tags, music blasting and 30 dudes as passengers with no seat belt and a cloud of “ism” smoke coming out the window.

To tell you the truth, if I was a police officer I might’ve beaten a couple of cats down on the sly myself. I mean…they have families too and at the end of the day I want to go home and embrace my kids and smack my wife on the ass just like anybody else and I’ll be damned if I let one of them drive by shooters take my out over a random traffic stop. Hell, it’s either you or me and guess what…I chose me. There is no such thing as racial profiling because random search and seizure has nothing to do with the color of your skin…it’s the manifestation of fear. We have to convey to a society that at one time labeled us as beasts that we exist in many forms. Not every young black boy wants to grow up and emulate 50 Cent or march around with saggy jeans and a white tee. Most black boys want to grow up to be men….leave their footprint on the world and evoke the greatness of a once proud people.

Just a thought…

I was watching Glenn Beck on CNN last night and we all know what the topic of the evening was…..you guessed it… Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Once again he played the infamous sermon from 2003 and he had some old colored coot from the SCLC propped up there to give his take. Now as soon as his guest opened his mouth I knew he was full of it because he said that he visited many black churches throughout his entire career and has never heard a sermon such as the one Rev. Wright gave. Bullshit! Just give the dude his check so he can be on his way. Man, you can go into any black church, Trinity, Apostolic, House of Hope, Memorial, hell…even St. Sabina (yes us Catholics can go there as well) etc… close your eyes and listen to the sermon and you probably couldn’t tell the difference. This has been the normal way of worship for people of color since Wallis Willis created the Negro slave anthem “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” back in 1852 (and first recorded by the world renowned Jubilee Singers of my beloved Fisk University…had to throw that in). Current events and the word of God have always been entwined…it served to ease the burdens and lift the folk up in between shifts of picking cotton and an occasional attempt of mutiny.

Now, let me play devil’s advocate for a minute…Let’s for a moment forget the fact that we are in the midst of thee most important election of this century. Let’s for a moment forget the fact that for the first time since Reconstruction there is a real opportunity for a person of African decent to obtain a pertinent, valued, and highly regarded public office. Let’s go back to 2003 and analyze the words that Rev. Wright spoke. He mentioned the atrocities that America has engaged in…the slaughtering of the Native Americans, the enslavement of Africans in America, Hiroshima, etc…and used the “chickens coming home to roost” theory as it pertains to 911. Where is the fire? Where are the so-called bombastic traces? Where are the divisive elements? To US it makes perfect sense but to THEM the speech reminds THEM of the Jim Crow era and how anyone person of color who made an attempt to “waken sleeping giants” i.e., Medgar Evers, Martin Luther King Jr, had to be dealt with. They’ve labeled Rev. Wright everything but a child of God but what they refuse to do is call him a liar and that is more telling then anything. When they attacked Farrakhan and called him anti-Semitic (read “The Secret Relationship Between Blacks and Jews” by the late Khalid Muhammad) they could never twist the situation enough to labeled him a liar…folks get real upset when your only tool is the truth. Granted, Rev. Wrights’ actions after “God Damn America – gate” have been less then stellar but we have to ask ourselves is the fury over the man or the message or does even matter at this point?

The Randomness Part. III…

The problem with the disenfranchised folk of this country is that they feel some sense of entitlement or that America owes them something. They somehow got it in their heads that the folks that went to school, made sound decisions and obtained employment to feed there families, pay taxes, mortgages and tuition to educated there offspring, should feel empathy for them and have the duty thrust upon us to feed, clothe and house their kids?!?!?! It’s like they feel they should get credit for having sex with no regard and with whomever. They want us to take responsibility for the shit they refuse to and want nothing but to continue to be pacified and plied with liquor, Air Jordan’s, hair weave and nickel bags. I saw fuck em’…shake off the dead weight and press on.

Here’s a prime example: my family is currently planning our bi-annual family reunion which I am the coordinator. Like every other family our past reunions have suffered from various in-fighting and falling participation numbers due to cheap ass bastards not wanting to cough up the loot. We charge a reunion fee which is $80.00 a person which covers our prayer breakfast, banquet, picnic and t-shirts. To me they asses should be paying more…I mean that’s a lot for 3 meals and a shirt but you know how ni**gas are. Always on the hustle and want shit for free. A cousin of mine who is also on the committee inquired about what kind of discount can we provide for her sister who has NINE (9) children in order for her to come to the reunion because the financial burden would be too great for her. To that I replied “Discount?!?!, ain’t no fuckin’ discounts here. Because your sister is obviously “birth-control-challenged” I got to pay for here kids?!?!?! Hellz naw! Tell that broad to gather up them child-support checks from the NINE (9) baby-daddies and she’ll have more then enough.” That was two months ago and I ain’t heard from her since…I guess she thought I had a heart…nope not I. What pissed me off most was her attempt to classify the children as burdens draining the life out her sister. They weren’t burdens when you were making them so what’s the problem. Is it my fault she ain’t make the dude carry his ass to the nearest CVS or Walgreen to buy some condoms? Once again…she was poisoned by the “I’m poor and got a bunch of kids so y’all owe me” syndrome. I don’t owe you shit…

Another example: me and my boy Dave got tickets to the Bulls last game of the season…tickets were $150 bucks a piece. Since it was the last game I guess the Bulls said fuck it and gave a gang of tickets away to the Chicago Public School, and a bunch of organizations committed to helping future drive-by shooters and exposing them to different experiences. It was 6 of these little ni**as sitting right in front of us acting a complete ass! Running around, standing up, even fighting…I’m sitting here $150 lighter and these monkeys are up in here for FREE no less and they are leaving a shit stain on the African-American legacy. Rufus Willliams, the President of the Chicago Board of Education, the organization that made it possible for these dusty ass boys to be at the fuckin’ game, was in the same row with his lady friend and them little ni**gas drove him crazy and he bounced. You ain’t got to have two parents at home to be taught manners! You can have a Link card and say excuse me…poverty and being disenfranchised is no excuse. The social services industry is a cash cow and people are getting in the game with no intentions of solving the problem. Think about it…if you ain’t got no poor folk and cats getting killed over a Cubs jacket then some folk will be out of work. Them drive-by shooters is indirectly paying somebody’s salary. I know a couple of dudes who got a hefty grant from the government to start a social service agency to focus on drug addicts and folks displaced from the projects due to gentrification. Now, these dudes don’t have on empathetic bone in there bodies…they grew up in Beverly and has never known no parts of struggle. So all of sudden these cats have been so moved that they want to give back to a community they know shit about? Hell naw! They were moved by that $250K lump sum they ciphered from the tax payers.

There were 37 shootings in Chicago over the weekend . 37!!! The problem is you got 30 year old grandmothers, absent fathers, young girls passing out pussy like scratch-off lottery tickets, a break down in plain ol’ parenting and nobody gives a shit. There used to be a time when folk on foods stamps carried a bit of shame with them every time they went to the grocery store now poverty is glamorized and these heffas be all up in the market with 5 carts (1 cart full of cereal, 1 cart full of meat, 1 cart full of chips and juices, etc…) whipping out that purple card like that shit was a platinum Visa. Poverty and Section 8 has become a goal rather than a means to evolve. They think there hustling the government but like my man Otis Redding said “a change gon’ come” and I’m running for cover.

The mourning after…

she came to me in a decadent whisper
singing songs of caged birds dying to be free

her soul dipped in melancholy reached out to me
as if i could save her

she somehow know that i was broken
wounded in the house of strangers
beaten down by empty kisses
as sensuous hands tear away pieces of me

my cries fell on deaf ears as i lay
drowning in my own rejection

i wondered what death felt like

shall i surrender to it and clothe myself
in the inviting arms of bitterness
shall i hold on to the burnt edges of hope
as memoirs of forgotten love fade in the morning gloom.

When it all falls down…

I bumped into an old friend the other day on my lunch break. I was heading to my favorite lunch hangout (the record store) when I heard a voice. It was an ex co-worker of mine named Lisa who I hadn’t seen in ages. She escorted me to the store and we chatted a bit. We discussed our careers, chirrun, the price of gas and ultimately life issues specifically relationships. I remember at the time we worked together she was married and had a young daughter, man…that was back in ’94. She was very focused on her career at the time and was going to school to further her education. We spent the rest of the hour engaging in the nuisances of relationships, marriage and the struggle for relevancy. She mentioned how it seemed as though the romance in her marriage had leaked out and that her husband seems to be non-observant or absent in regards to intimacy. That struck me as odd because I have never heard of a man turning down nothing but his collar when it comes to intimacy. Usually it’s the man that has to deal with the “cold-shoulder”-isms and the sexual neglect but this was totally new territory for me. She was attractive, educated, attractive, smart, and attractive so I couldn’t fathom why dude wouldn’t be eager to snatch her garments off at the first sight. Most dudes just get the attractive wife but this cat got a wife that’s attractive AND willing to rattle the sheets!?!! That’s what you would call a “keeper” Something was up….

After more “sharing” it finally made sense. She couldn’t understand what was going on in her marriage because she was too late in the game. Too late to start paying attention to the signs and only questioning them now because she’s the one catching the rejection. When she was throwing “no’s” at her husband like Roger Clemens she could’ve cared less but now them shits is coming back it’s a problem. See, her marriage took the path that 99.5% of all marriages take. The woman starts off coming to the crib in a trench coat and heels and now it’s a granny housecoat and fuzzy slippers. I ain’t picky, I take whatever the hell I can get but most dudes ain’t me. The downfall started way before the “I Do’s” when she was busy playing the role of someone her man would want to commit to. The problem is she wasn’t nothing like the “character” she was playing and dude was building his faith in what he saw and experienced. At the time he probably had about 3 broads he was juggling all with similar qualities but that night you got a room at the W and turned into Vanessa Del Rio the choice was made. He called them other broads immediately and was like “we ain’t gone make it”. He got a second job cleaning toilets with Jani-King so that he can get you the two carat princess cut you had been talking about. He was walking on air from that moment all the way to the altar, because he had finally found someone to fill that void…the pieces finally came together. A little insight….most dudes date the same kind of women for the most part. Pretty much throughout my experience all the girls I dated were Colored, Catholic and lived on the Southside of Chicago. I fooled with 2 girls on the Westside but after a brief run in with the neighborhood crack dealer…let’s just say I choose to live. They were similar but I desperately need one of them to show me that one piece of the puzzle to make it all complete and that was the “lovin’ gene”. This was never based on skills but more of an excitement or willingness to engage and explore. Someone who felt the way that I did insofar as that they believed that romance and intimacy are the building blocks to a lasting situation. Without that y’all ain’t nothing but roommates and if that’s the case what’s the point?…but I digress…

Lisa had admitted that early in the marriage there were intimacy issues (basically she didn’t want no parts of it) present and that her husband initiated many discussions regarding the problem. Most women who are in relationships usually complain about the lack of communication with there counterparts and most times these complaints are valid. Men aren’t big at sharing there feelings or concerns…it’s just not how we’re made. But in this case dude has attempted several times to put his feelings on the table and in doing so has put Lisa in a trick bag. First of all she can no longer say “she didn’t know how he felt” and secondly he has put the ball in her court and her next move will either bring them closer together or continue the division. Instead of treating his issues with some sense of urgency she dropped the ball by ignoring them. I guess she figured he was bullshitin’ or she made the mistake to think that he ain’t have no other options or thought that because she had a ring her “spot” was solid and unmovable. Boo, you can be moved with the quickness….Because his issues were never addressed he had two choices: pack ya shit or accept the circumstances. Both options are shitty, that’s like choosing to smoke Newports rather than drink Crown Royal….they both lead to a slow death. Leaving, although it may quench the thirst for ass it is a terrible choice if there are children involved. The system has a love affair with mothers and will not hesitate to shit on fathers. What prevents must dudes from taking this route is the hope that things will turn around. I mean, we talking about ass…something that was already in play during the inauguration of the union. Something that was shared repeatedly and ceased abruptly without no notice or nothin’. To make a life altering decision based on sex is hard to substantiate.

Acceptance, which is the option that I gathered Lisa’s husband chose, is an extremely difficult choice but the right one as far as I’m concerned but it usually doesn’t bode well for the other person. Just think about it…making the choice to accept the fact that I may never see the underlings of my WIFE is a bitter pill to swallow…that shit bruises the soul. The journey to acceptance as a long, lonely road and it ain’t a smooth transition by any means. There is temptation, disillusionment and anger…and there’s always some extra broads waiting in the wings. The first thing that happens is the dude can no longer look at his wife in the same light. The attraction that he once felt has to be converted into a sense of loathing. Harboring the attraction will only lead to more frustration, anger and this is when the contemplation of “outside comfort” comes into play. Ladies, here’s a test to see if your relationship is suffering from “fuck-u-itis”. If you get out the shower and come into the bedroom nekkid and your man walks past you like you was invisible…yeah, it’s official. In Lisa’s case her husband did some soul searching and found away to kill the passion he had for her in order to deal with the nightly disappointment. Her first instinct, which is the first page in the Wives/Girlfriends playbook, was to automatically think he was hittin’ some other philly. Right there she just showed she ain’t have a clue. The question isn’t WHO he’s sleeping with the questions is WHO he’s not sleeping with…..his wife. This is just an attempt to find some validation and find someone to shoulder the blame.

From what Lisa had confided in me this had been going on for years. She could count the number of intimate occasions she shared with her husband in the last 5 years on one hand. I damn near fell out my seat…I was like “if he ain’t rattlin’ nobody else sheets by this time you need to be thankful”. She said that it wasn’t something she did on purpose but she focused on her career and children and felt that everything else would fall in place. Most people, if there on the wrong end of something, want address it because they don’t want to be reminded of how wrong they are but the problem doesn’t go away…it’s left in the bedroom to fester. So about 2 weeks ago she decided to give dude some ass and he looked at her liked she had three heads, respectfully declined and turned over. Her feelings were hurt…I guess she thought her last performance about a year and a half ago should’ve been enough to keep dude motivated and waiting for whenever the next time would be. Now it’s his fault, he’s ruining the marriage????? No Boo, you fucked that up a long time ago and some random ass every now and again or when the feeling hits you ain’t gon’ get it.

I would be heartbroken if my wife no longer looked at me with half the passion she used to. If I ever lost that I would be breaking my ass working to get it back but some folks just don’t give a shit. There content with just being married then being part of a marriage…there is a difference. Lisa created an environment of detriment by her inability and unwillingness to participate and as a result her husband has lost the passion and even some respect for her and that shit is huge. Every woman wants there man to ravish them, to treat them like queens, to have passion for them but the shit ain’t automatic and to lose it is catastrophic. Men value respect from his woman, women value the passion of their man. If either is lost so to is the union.

Ode to the Video Vixen…

a href=”http://www.karrine.com/home/”>Karrine “Superhead” Steffans</a> made a name for herself by utilizing her “talents” and gyrating to hip hop beats on cue. Now she proclaims herself as an advocate to rescue future misguided ladies from the same tragedy she has faced….give me a f*cking break. I happened to catch a VH1 special on Women &amp; Hip Hop the other night…there was really no knew territory covered and it mainly focused on the otherwise proclaimed victimization of women in hip hop insofar as there participation in dicey videos. I can get with the lyrical content of some hip hop songs not being favorable for women but a grown ass women coming to the a video set and VOLUNTEERING to put on the dental floss and post-it note bikini and shake her ass as being a victim????….Please.
Magazines like <a href=”http://www.king-mag.com”>King</a>, <a href=”http://www.smoothmag.com/”>Smooth</a>, <a href=”http://www.xxlmag.com/”>XXL</a>, and <a href=”http://www.vibevixen.com/”>Vibe Vixen</a> are flooded with entries from young ladies hoping to be the next <a href=”http://www.buffiethebody.com/”>Buffy</a>, <a href=”http://www.kitoyjohnson.net/”>Kitoy</a> or <a href=”http://www.vidasworld.com/”>Vida</a>. The internet is flood with various “booty – entrepreneurs” such as <a href=”http://www.khrystihill.com/”>Khrysti Hill</a> and <a href=”http://www.icecoldchampagne.com/”>Champagne</a> hocking there “goods” in various formats. Do you think they feel victimized by men while they’re at the crib counting the dough? Me neither…. On the special there was a line of former and current ass shakers whining about the hustle of trying to break into the music/acting game and how they have to degrade themselves to get a shot at the brass ring. Did Alicia Keys have to shake a titty in a 50 video to get a deal? Did Queen Latifah have to give a lap dance in a Big Daddy Kane video to start Flava Unit? Hellz naw, that’s because they have what you would call TALENT! Movie producers don’t look for new talent in Lil Wayne videos…Spike Lee ain’t gone cast you in nothin’ just because you can do the “Soulja Boy” in clear heels and a camisole.
The downfall and motivation of every “Video Vixen” is stacking chips, getting’ that dough and gettin’ that paper….the illustrious quest for the almighty dollar… so don’t be fooled by the tears. Some just want to hook up with an artist and be seen jumping out of the Maybach and use the same tactics as groupies who target athletes. These women thirst for the finer things and take the easy road by using there superficial assets and hustle there way into sure fire money making ventures such as hip hop videos, stripping and ultimately porn. All you need is a pretty face and a workable waist and you are on your way. Think about this…women in the porn industry make about 3 times the amount that men make. Everyday there are bus and plane loads of women heading the California to break into the business. They comin’ for one reason and it ain’t to get a role on a sitcom….it’s the money. You have choices people…real, viable choices! If you make the choice to “shake it fast” I’ll respect it but don’t try to convince me that there weren’t any alternative options available. Didn’t nobody break into your house, duck tape you, dip you in baby oil and threw you into a Yung Jock video…we ain’t that stupid.
What kills me is that these women become mesmerized by designer fabrics, shoes and accessories, find a questionable hustle to obtain these things and have the audacity to blame men for there voluntary degradation?!?!?! That’s like a crack dealer blaming the fiends for him making the choice to sell crack. You made at the dude throwing singles on the stage but I’m sure before your song goes off you’ll be down on the floor picking them dollars up. If you feel that getting “skeeted” on in the Champagne Room is a viable option to pay your bills than so be it but that’s a decision that you alone make. I hear the “low self-esteem” argument thrown around a bit but in the words of Kat Williams’ “it’s called SELF-esteem b*tch”. The task is to find value in you and not what you can obtain and understand that the end doesn’t always justify the means.

Fatherhood revisited….Part I

Black fatherhood has many challenges and nuisance from the seemingly unending battles with mothers to society simply and unequivocally cheering for the demise and failure of black men. Good fathers don’t provide enough entertainment or drama and therefore are never really given the chance to shine. All the while father’s that are struggling with the concept get the spotlight and are subsequently made the face of black fatherhood. It’s a lonely place sometimes…there are no programs, books, media attention or helping hands when it comes to being a father. Oprah is quick to have a show dedicated to berating men then acknowledging them. Some sistah’s are quick to shit on us rather than except some responsibility while at the same time using there children as pawns to gain some sort of leverage in a game that has no apparent winners.

The focus has become the victim hood of women rather than the failure of parenting. Instead of nurturing relationships we’d rather practice the art of duckin’ and dodgin’ and throwing grenades at the already shaky bridge of father and child or trying to exact revenge on a brotha because he simply didn’t chose you. OUR children are in crisis and we are all to blame for the decay. While y’all were busy fighting over child support the streets were weaving there way into the minds and souls of our children giving them false refuge from a world that has fallen off course. And when we loose are children BOTH parents have fucked up regardless of the situation….ain’t no victim’s just losers.

The randomness…

1. Anybody that thinks Rev. Jeremiah Wrights’ sermon was out of line ain’t never been to a black church.  It seems like when black folk buck the “happy slave” ideology white folk label it as anti-American which is ironic.  Black folk are more American then any other nationality…hell we created the first true economy which allowed white folk to establish the first class of wealth by shuffling Negroes from plantation to plantation for the right price. White folk - Did you really think black folk really liked eating the shitty left over pieces of the pig and working the field? 
2.   At least the former Governor of New York didn’t get caught with a bust down…I mean; the broad was easy on the eyes.  The crime is that his actions have set precedence for other folk seeking public office…so if I run for Alderman of the 9^th Ward I got to provide a list of all the random chicks I boned?  And what’s up with the public apology with the wife standing there next to the dude?  What’s that all about?  I don’t feel sorry for none of em’ and dude wasn’t to sorry when he was in the ass so save it.  Should I feel sorry for the wife?!?!…hell to the naw.  The former gay Governor of New Jersey got caught up but people ain’t know that the wife was participating in threesomes with the Governor and an aid. She was a willing participant…not a victim.  I really don’t care if people in public office have extra marital affairs just keep my damn property taxes down and pave the fucking streets! 
3. A total of 19 Chicago Public School students have been killed this school year and that is some sad shit.  I mean…how the fuck can you concentrate on geometry when all the while your praying to make it home alive.  Earlier this month Ruben Ivey was shot and killed by Devonte Smith…both were students at Crane High School on Chicago’s Westside.  Parents blamed to the police and the mothers espoused those famous last words…”he was a good boy and wasn’t in no gang”.  Oh really….both dudes had extensive police records and both were members of rival gangs.  Basically, the shit was bound to happen.    People….if you know your child is out there on some wild business just prepare yourself for the worst especially if you have already given up on them.  And don’t blame the police…they got fucking crimes to solve and ain’t got time to be pattin’ down YOUR son or daughter (these little broads have become worse than the dudes) at school to check and see if he’s packing heat he took from YOUR boyfriend off YOUR nightstand this morning on his way to school.  And fathers….where the fuck are you?  

The TGIF Soul Mix…

I’m back!  A little crippled but back!  Here’s my latest….SOUL MAYHEM Vol. 4  Here’s the playlist:

1. Alright - Keite Young

2. Find Myself In You - Brian McKnight

3. Born & Raised - Joy Denalane

4. U Got What I Need - Letoya Luckett

5. Honey - Erykah Badu

6. Music - Joss Stone

7. 4AM - Goapele

8. Blessed 2 Have - Floetry

9. Roses - Mary J. Blige

10. When I See U - Fantasia

11. Bad Habit - Joss Stone

12. Different - Goapele

13. 2 Pieces - Carl Thomas

14. Joy - Ledisi

15. Flirtatious - Carrol Riddick

Journey to the classics….

1/26/08 - Live to tell…(cont.)

If you ask what hit me…your guess is as good as mine.  I’m told it was a freight truck but I couldn’t begin to tell you any real details.  I recall it being hard for me to breath and a sharp pain in my back.  I noticed all the broken glass, airbags, more glass, smoke and what used to be the dashboard now resting in my lap.  My poor radio was in the back seat and I just embedded myself in the midst of the chaos.  Amongst the chorus of “are you okay’s” and “you’re a lucky man”, a lady offered to call my wife on her cell phone.  My arm was like a wet noodle and I couldn’t feel my left leg.  A State Trooper ripped open my passenger door and helped me climb over to freedom.  I limped off to a waiting ambulance or “amalambs” as some ghetto folk like to call it.   That was the worst part of the ordeal…being confined with a neck brace and laying on a board…whew…shit was nothing nice.   They took me to St. Bernard Hospital and left me in some random ass hallway.  All I could do was stare at the ceiling and listen to all the whispers of tainted voices some tinged with pain.  Another Trooper approached and started asking me all these damn questions and in the end dude left me with two tickets and a “hope you feel better”.    As they wielded me around to the emergency room I saw my wife…she had a look on her face that was part worry and part pissed.  Part 3 coming soon…

1/26/08 - Live to tell…

The evening started out innocent enough.  I left the gig, walked to the parking garage, got in the Isuzu and jetted off to meet the misses.  She begrudgingly gave her okay for a brotha to hang out that night and we meet to exchange vehicles so that she could pick up our son from aftercare as quick as possible.  My son is a complex character…the longer he’s at school the more chances he has to get in trouble so it’s best he get up out of there as soon as humanly possible.  I hugged the misses, traded “I love you’s” and proceeded to jump in the ride and start the evening.  She told me to be careful before she sped off down the ramp.  

            Usually I would catch a ride to the P.A.C.o after work events with Big Dell but this night I decided to drive myself.  It was just me and my new Liv Warfield CD bending them corners on my way down to Avenue M.  D. Wright called me and said he was in route so I picked up the pace.  We got to the spot and proceeded to grab a couple of Amstel Lights and Crown Royals and found a spot to post up.  The usual fam fell up in the joint….Paco, Big Reg, T Harv, Vu, and Big Dell.   After hours of discussing the nuisances of life the place started to thin out.   D. Wright and Dell jetted out earlier so I decided to gather my things and head to the flat myself.  I jumped on the Dan Ryan at Lake Street and headed south.  I got to about 35^th Street and decided to call the misses and let her knew I was on the way and was thinking about stopping at White Castle from some Chicken Rings…them shits be delicious around 2 in the mornin’.   I noticed that I was approaching the split and was attempting to make my move to the local lanes when……shit went dark for a brotha.  To be continued…

Time to heal…

Ya boy MadP is taking some time off to heal. Had an up close and personal experience with a truck and a concrete median. Broke my wrist, rib and four bones in my back. Say a prayer for a brotha while I just continue to be thankful for each painful breath. Peace & luv y’all

One minute it’s all party & bullshit…

The next…

Negro pleeeeeeeease…

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick & his alleged lover Chief of Staff Christine Beatty  

  

Kilpatrick, family spend day in Florida as calls for ouster grow

January 24, 2008

By JOE SWICKARD, SUZETTE HACKNEY, JIM SCHAEFER and ZACHARY GORCHOW

FREE PRESS STAFF

The heads of Detroit’s 17 municipal unions may decide today that Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick should be asked to step down or face recall, as revelations that he and his chief of staff lied under oath at a police whistle-blower trial rocked City Hall.

Also today, a lawyer who represented the officers who sued acknowledged to the Free Press that there’s a confidentiality agreement containing undisclosed details of the $8.4-million case settlement, which was reached in October.

City lawyers had previously told the Free Press no such agreement existed.
On Wednesday the Free Press reported that their text messages show Kilpatrick and his chief of staff, Christine Beatty, lied at the whistle-blower trial when they testified last summer they did not have a sexual relationship.

On Thursday, Beatty was not in Detroit, according to her lawyer.

Kilpatrick and his family were in Tallahassee, Fla., trying to escape the public eye, but his office said they would return to Detroit Thursday evening.

As Kilpatrick was shown in photographs kissing his wife, Carlita, in Florida, stunned City Council members said Thursday they were preparing for the possibility that Detroit’s youngest elected mayor might not complete his second term.

Council President Ken Cockrel Jr., who would become mayor if Kilpatrick left office, raised the possibility of resignation although he did not call for the mayor to step down.

Cockrel said the contradictions between text messages obtained by the Free Press and the mayor’s testimony at the trial “seriously, seriously damages his credibility.”

“I’m not prepared to make that call at this point, but certainly if I was him and I was in his shoes, looking at the situation, I’d have to give serious consideration to whether or not I could save the city some further aggravation by making that move,” he said.

This morning, the eyes of the city will be on Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy, who has called a press conference to discuss whether she will launch a criminal investigation into Kilpatrick’s and Beatty’s trial testimony. Legal experts say that the previously secret text messages may furnish evidence to support perjury or obstruction of justice charges against the pair.

Alternatively, Worthy, who has declined comment so far, could ask for the appointment of a special prosecutor by state Attorney General Mike Cox.

John Riehl, president of the politically powerful AFSCME Local 207, which represents 900 municipal workers, said Thursday that the labor leaders will consider today whether they will ask Kilpatrick to leave office.

“Everybody hopes this is the end of his career. He’s done the city enough damage,” Riehl said. “If one of our people had done this kind of misconduct, we would be fired.”

Kilpatrick and the American Federation of State, County and Municipal

Employees have clashed in the past about attempts by the mayor to win concessions from city workers and privatize some city services. AFSCME represents about 5,000 of the city’s 15,000 workers.

The employee unions pack political muscle, and could employ strong networking and fund-raising abilities if they chose to launch a recall campaign.
Kilpatrick, his wife and their three children were photographed Thursday outside a $430,000 home they purchased in Tallahassee six months ago. Kilpatrick waved at photographers but did not give an interview.

He is a graduate of nearby Florida A&M University, where he was a star football player. Kilpatrick met his wife while both were students there.

After television stations aired video and still photos of the Kilpatricks in Florida, mayoral spokesman James Canning said the family would fly back to Detroit on tonight.

Beatty’s lawyer, Elliott Hall, said the next move is up to Worthy. “I need to see how she plans to proceed,” said Hall.

The lawyer representing three former cops who were paid $8.4 million to end lawsuits against Kilpatrick and the city said Thursday for the first time that the secret agreement sealed the deal.

The lawyer, Mike Stefani, said he could not discuss the confidential agreement. But the deal was not included in documents the city sent the Free Press in response to a freedom of information request seeking “any and all documents related to the settlement.”

The newspaper is now suing for those records. The city has responded in legal filings that it provided the newspaper with all the records.

Cox, who was in Washington on Thursday to testify before a Senate committee on an unrelated matter, told reporters that he had read accounts of the scandal but wasn’t planning any investigation.

“Usually the county prosecutors get first crack at that,” he said. “I’m really not interested in stepping on any jurisdictional toes.”

Contact JOE SWICKARD at 313-222-8769 or jswickard@freepress.com. Staff writers M.L. Elrick, Todd Spangler, Jennifer Dixon, John Smyntek, David Ashenfelter, Ben Schmitt and Kathleen Gray contributed to this report.

DJ Diva in the building…

Check out my gurl DJ Diva’s Prince Workout Mix….